yobech505

 Breakups at 13

            After a recent break up, the heart finds its own way to mend.  It gets a little better every day and soon, it will all be assigned to another file somewhere in the memory.  Hurt subsides, and we get time to reflect.  It’s always good to know things will eventually be okay.

            Now, how does one deal with the break up of a first love?  Not mine, but my son’s.   13 is not an age to get overly concerned about, as the minds are young and still influence able, but it is still okay for a father to care. 

            They were a cute couple and the relationship was probably more of an experiment rather that a serious attempt to be a duo.  First year teens do not have a lot of experience in this area so the whole thing was a learning adventure, something that probably is not a bad idea.

            ‘Going out’ is what the term is now.  (We went ‘steady’ back when I started.)  It never gets too serious.  The ‘dates’ are usually in company, to public places and during the day.   They would hang out at school and during rehearsals or music practice, and would be talking on the phone or texting  when not together.  But they were still ‘going out’. 

            Until she broke up with him. Over the phone.

            Young hearts still hurt.  He was miserable, sad and a bit depressed.  A parent hates to see their child that way and I knew there wasn’t a lot I could do to cheer him up, even though I tried.  I gave fatherly advice he didn’t really want to listen to, told him about other fishes, and just sat next to him for a while. He already knew about my recent breakup.

            He has to go through it, deal with it and overcome the pain.  He’s a tough kid.  He’ll do fine, of that I have no inklings of unsure.

            I hear from those I tell, many different approaches.  Some question why I let him ‘date’ to begin with.  I hear it within every crowd when the conversations start.  But I disagree.

            First of all, to call it dating is a bit of a misuse of the vocabulary.  They’re rarely, if ever, alone.  Chaperones are nearby if it isn’t public, and  it’s just not a big deal.  In fact it might be a good thing. 

            It is never to soon to begin to teach our young ones about life.  Breakups are a natural part of it, and experience is always positive, although it may not seem like it to the breakupee at the time.  That it creates wariness, not so much.  But that it teaches that people change, are different and grow in other directions is probably a more appropriate lesson. 

            A self created sermon can alleviate a little of the pain, and to do that, my son will have to look at the direction his heart took, and understand that the course may have peril.  It may not make the pain less if or when it happens again, but it will give him the understanding that these things happen.

            So he won’t be a stalker, he won’t be obsessed and he knows that eventually he’ll get over it.  Not a bad lesson.